The Master Menu

This is it. This list will be kept updated as I add new and brilliant products.

To order outside of the UK, please Contact Me here, or email

Vegan Lip Balms – £4.50 (15ml)

Colonialism Chai Spice

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Do you long for the exotic taste of chai on your lips, all day every day?
Do you love tea, cardamom, cloves and other sensual spices?

Do you long for the spiritual and cultural experiences of India, but are too poor and/or busy to actually go there any time soon?
Do you want nourishing, spice infused, organic cold pressed coconut oil, cacao and shea butters to moisturise your lips with deliciousness?
Then you’ll love this Chai lipbalm!

£4.50 (15ml)
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Tangy Ting


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It’s tangy. It’s tingy. It’s a smiling citrus joy. A nourishing shiny beautiful balm that will make your lips feel as shiny and happy as the sun.

Aztec Choc Chilli


Inspired by the authentic and sacred South American Chocolatl I tasted at Cadbury World, this is a tingling concoction of lip-plumping chilli, creamy organic cocoa butter, cocoa powder, vanilla and spice essences.

Buy Now, £4.50+ p&p
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Skincare Balms

for lips, face, body, astral body, wherever

Available in VEGAN or BEESWAX based. Please state your choice in Notes when you order!

30ml – £6.50


Unfucking Balm 

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£6.50+ p&p  Please state vegan or beeswax in the seller instructions box! 

The original and best. This balm started Pippa Porcupine’s Damn Fine Natural Skincare Co, and people keep coming back for more.

With a whole army of organic plant oils, it soothes and moisturises, heals and smooths, useful for everything from spider bites to frizzy hair. (I get some interesting testimonials!)


Calm the Fuck Down Balm
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£6.50+ p&p  Please state vegan or beeswax in the seller instructions box! 

Modern life can be all kinds of stressful. What with the relentless pace of technology, the anti-human values of an increasingly desperate late-stage capitalism, and an endless stream of commentators telling you just how incredibly terrible you should feel, it can all feel a bit overwhelming. This can lead to stressed skin and aching muscles.

This balm is infused with calendula, comfrey and chamomile, all known for their soothing and healing properties for body and mind. Rub it in and the comfrey can even help deeper muscle aches.

Dr. Frankenstein’s Frankincense Monster Moisturiser

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£6.50 for 30ml

Has your skin become a monster and turned against its creator? Are you searching for the science to bring your face back to life? Want to make your skin feel like a beautiful creation? Then try this monstrously moisturising pot of goodness.

This is a luxuriously thick moisturising cream with the cell rejuvenation powers of frankincense, pure organic coconut oil and Shea butter, soothing, vitamin-filled aloe vera, and oil balancing jojoba. Oh, and vitamin E. Need those skin vitamins. This really is monstrously moisturising, and also smells delicious. It will protect your skin from the elements, from drying office air-con to the ice of the Arctic.

Disclaimer:Not actually made by Doctor Frankenstein, or any other medically qualified persons. Although, look how well his work turned out, you can’t really trust doctors these days can you? They meddle with things us mortals should leave alone. Reanimation not guaranteed. Pippa Porcupine takes no responsibility for your medical ethics or lack thereof. With sincere apologies to the estate of Mary Shelley.



Buy Now Button £6.50 for 30ml

Unfucking Balm is so popular, I decided to make it a new friend. If your face is being cheeky, get it on its best behaviour with Pippa Porcupine’s new Unfucking Cream!

Organic shea butter, coconut oil and aloe moisturise and nourish, while lavender soothes and tea tree heals. All hand made with love. 

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