Calm the Fuck Down.


A soothing herbal moisturising balm. Organic shea and Palestinian olive oils, infused with skin healing comfrey, calendula and chamomile, scented with peaceful  ylang ylang, lavender and patchouli. No added bullshit. Except the bullshit I wrote in this post.

Available in vegan plant wax or beeswax based versions, please state which one you want in the little answer box.

Calm The Fuck Down Balm (30ml) – £6.50

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Modern life can be all kinds of stressful. What with the relentless pace of technology, the anti-human values of an increasingly desperate late-stage capitalism, and an endless stream of commentators telling you just how incredibly terrible you should feel, it can all feel a bit overwhelming

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When it all feels too much, look in the mirror. Remind yourself that you, yes you, are a single crystallised fragment of a fractal and fascinating eternity, unique in this moment. You are a child of the Universe, a spark of the Divine. You are Love, you are fierce and gentle, you are a miracle of probability and you have got this. So calm the fuck down.

All will be well. Maybe. Maybe not for you, personally, but on a cosmic level, it’s all ticking along just as it should be.

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It all keeps spinnin’

If your skin is stressed and you have stressed aching muscles from the tension, why not try massaging in a little Calm Balm? The calendula calms skin, chamomile calms the skin and the mind, while comfrey soothes aches inside and promotes healing and good cell growth. All have anti-inflammatory properties and are basically great and amazing. Combined with moisturising coconut oil, it’s super soothing and nourishing. Works on lips as well.

When my back aches from too long spent hunched over a laptop typing foolishness like this, I rub this stuff in and it helps. Also it smells 1000% better than Voltarol or Deep Heat or whichever.

Calm The Fuck Down Balm (30ml) – £6.50

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Ingredients: Calendula, Comfrey and Chamomile infused extra virgin olive oil* Fairtrade shea butter*, candelilla or bees wax, cold pressed virgin coconut oil*, organic sweet almond oil*, lavender essential oil

*Certified Organic

Disclaimer: Not a medical device or mental health treatment. Pippa Porcupine cannot in fact guarantee that all is well on a cosmic, personal, ethical, Sega Megadrive, or any other level. Pippa Porcupine is not a licensed medical practitioner in any way, she is an amateur pharmacist which is probably (definitely) an illegal profession. However, as you do not need

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